WWF Wrestlemania II

WWF Wrestlemania II
April 7, 1986

Being completely uninterested in this year’s Wrestlemania, I instead re-watched an old classic that I haven’t seen in many years. Definitely in the bottom tier of classic Wrestlemanias, the second instalment has a certain charm to it and is definitely a time capsule of the mid 80s wrestling boom. It’s celebrity and spectacle overload, as there’s more attention to the personalities and showbiz than the actual matches or booking of the event. Arguably, Wrestlemania II is the pioneer of the modern Wrestlemanias post XXX, where Mania exists mostly as a celebration unto itself. The draw is Wrestlemania and its larger-than-life spectacle, more so than any of the matches or feuds contained within. I had never really noticed this in the past, but watching Mania 2 in the context of today’s era, it’s really striking how this early primitive concept became the blueprint for how modern Wrestlemanias are now constructed.

As a kid, I rented this show a ton of times. It was readily available at all local videos stores deep into the late 90s. The sun-faded cover is permanently burned into my memory. I used to love renting this show because of all the weird and unusual characters featured on the card. The mostly quick matches were perfect for my short attention span as a kid and I loved the three different venues. The original Coliseum Video version cut so much of the celebrity content and banter out, and it was unreal to finally see a complete version of this show late in the 90s when the WWF released the awesome VHS set featuring the unedited broadcasts. I wouldn’t have cared about this stuff as a kid and would have no doubt fast forwarded through a lot of it, but it’s absolutely fantastic to see now and enjoy this goofy semi-trainwreck of a show in its entirety.

Wrestling, particularly the WWF, was still very much ingrained in 80s pop culture at the time, and as a result it led to celebrity overload on this show. And apparently there were even more celebrities planned that dropped out at the last minute! There are so many celebrities and sports stars packed into this show, most of whom are barely on screen for 30 seconds. It does create quite an atmosphere, but it’s way overboard and thankfully they took the celebrities mostly out of the broadcast booth in the coming years.

The NWA had successfully run StarrCade out of two venues, so in true Vince McMahon fashion, Wrestlemania would take place from 3 cities. I’ve read that this was Vince’s original plan for Wrestlemania III, but was such a clunky mess here that the concept was thankfully abandoned. The 3 venues certainly adds to the uniqueness of this whole show, but it does leave a lot to be desired on the production side of things. The arenas are all dark, and the camera work is kind of weird, very unlike the usual slick WWF production. The Chicago ring looks smaller – it could have just been the camera angle, but something just didn’t look right. There’s other inconsistencies, uncommon with a WWF show, like having no mats around the ring in LA. All of this just makes this look like a hodge podge of a show, something the WWF would completely clean up by the following year.

Long Island, NY – Nassau Coliseum

Vince McMahon kicks things off in Long Island by introducing “Rayyyyy Chawwwwwwwles” to sing America the Beautiful. Vince is joined by Susan St. James in the commentary booth. Susan of course is notorious for all her “uh-oh’s” but I actually really enjoy her charming commentary. It’s like watching wrestling with your aunt, who only has the vaguest knowledge of the product. Vince is the best to be in the booth with celebrities as he knows how to lead them and laugh along with their naivete about the product, whereas someone like Gorilla Monsoon would just get irritated and ignore the person.

1) Paul Orndorff fought Don Muraco (w/ Mr. Fuji) to a double count-out at 4:33 when both men began brawling on the floor and Orndorff threw Muraco into the ringpost

Wow, what a lackluster way to kick off the show. The arena is completely dark and the camera angles are weird – it just looks terrible. This match should have had good heat as Muraco was instrumental in the Bundy beat-down on Hogan, and Orndorff was a fired up babyface, but it’s just a tepid brawl to start. Orndorff rallies the crowd a bit, but not much of anything happens. Muraco looked completely lazy, and they just tumble to the floor and brawl to a super fucking cheap double countout. This sucked, and was a garbage way to kick off Mania. The crowd loudly chants bullshit as McMahon and Susan St. James remain upbeat and excited.

2) WWF IC Champion Randy Savage (w/ Miss Elizebeth) pinned George Steele at 7:08 with both feet on the ropes for leverage

I used to really hate this Savage-Steele feud, but have come to enjoy it for what it was. There were so many better possibilities for Savage on this card, like a blow-off rematch with Tito Santana or even the rumored main event match with Hogan, but in the end, it made sense for Savage to be in a story driven attraction. This match was a chance to show off Savage as a mean piece of shit, using Elizabeth and taking advantage of the Animal. Steele was just fucking awful, but sure knew how to work the fans and play his part. I admit to enjoying some of his wild antics, like when he ripped apart the turnbuckle and raked the stuffing across Savage’s face. And Susan St. James was just so adorable on commentary, cheering on George and being so disappointed by the tactics of the Macho Man. Even though he has to cheat to win, this really established Macho as one of the premiere heels in the company. Still, as a wrestling fan, it’s hard not to imagine how much better this card could have been booked, but workrate was not their intention here.

3) Jake Roberts pinned George Wells with the DDT at at 3:06 following a kneelift as Wells attempted to climb back into the ring

Jake was brand new to the company, having only debuted weeks before Mania. I always thought Wells was a true jobber, but he actually had a somewhat decent run in the mid-card in 1985, originally teaming with Bret Hart before the debut of the Hart Foundation. Wells had a storied history in the CFL, playing for 8 seasons in the 70s. It’s interesting to read the background on some of these guys that barely lasted past the waning semi-territorial days. Nothing special to this match, but it was all about putting Jake over a tough opponent and selling the DDT as a murder death kill finisher. The most famous part of the match is the ending when Jake puts Damian on Wells and he foams at the mouth, delightfully disgusting Vince and Susan.

There were a lot of promos and hype surrounding the main event of the Long Island portion, and I enjoyed the recap of the Piper-Mr. T feud. Having read Piper’s books and various interviews over the years, it’s far more enjoyable watching for all the shit Piper was pulling in this feud and boxing match. Piper certainly crossed the line in many ways, and his hatred of T clearly came through. Again, much like the modern era of Manias, Piper could have been in a much better match on this card, but this was less about the matches and more about the attraction.

4) Mr. T (w/ Joe Frazier & the Haiti Kid) defeated Roddy Piper (w/ Lou Duva & Bob Orton Jr.) in a boxing fight via disqualification at 1:17 of Round 4 when Piper shoved the referee to the mat and bodyslammed T

I’ve always hated this ‘boxing match’ and used to fast forward it as a kid. It 100% sucks and is such a waste of Piper’s talents. However, watching it with the knowledge of all of the background stories, it’s a fascinating study of where the line blurs between wrestling and reality. Piper certainly exaggerates a lot of stories and how he was going to fuck up T in this match, but there are definitely points in this when Piper is clearly taking liberties in the ring. Mr. T for his part plays this straight, sticking to the storyline and acting like the tough guy. Piper is clearly fucking with him throughout and subtly taking the piss out of T by overselling or underselling his punches. To his credit, Piper is still a pro and does his best to make this look like a hard fought battle. As the match wears on, the cooperation begins to disintegrate and you can see Piper’s irritation with T grow. There’s no holding back when Piper hurls the stool at Mr. T. The ending of the match has always been shrouded in ambiguity, as Piper claims the bodyslam on T was a shoot because he was sick of him. Who really knows how it was supposed to end, but Piper was clearly sick and tired of working with Mr. T, and tensions certainly seemed to be boiling as they had to be held back by their respective cornermen. This was certainly terrible, but now kind of a fascinating study.

I love how the original broadcast includes a lot more chatter and analysis between all the matches and cities compared to the Coliseum Video version which just cuts straight to the matches. There’s a lot more Vince and Susan, plus interviews with the NFL players and such. The production is clunky, but this event certainly has a big feel to it.

Chicago, IL – Rosemont Horizon

Switching over to Chicago, we now have Gorilla Monsoon, Mean Gene, and the gorgeous Cathy Lee Crosby. Talk about your 80s babes! Okerlund can’t even hide his lecherous smile whenever he’s on camera near her.

5) WWF Women’s Champion the Fabulous Moolah pinned Velvet McIntyre after the challenger missed a splash off the middle turnbuckle at the 59-second mark

Speaking of good looking ladies, I’ve always thought Velvet was quite attractive and had the look of a star, compared to the haggard old Moolah. Women’s wrestling certainly isn’t all about looks, but man, there were some rough looking ladies that were involved in the division in the 80s. Someone young and attractive like Velvet, who could also go in the ring was a breath of fresh air. Word is that this match ended really quick because Velvet’s top strap broke on the crossbody attempt and Moolah had to pin her quick to end it. Too bad this was a nothing match.

6) Crpl. Kirshner pinned Nikolai Volkoff (w/ Freddie Blassie) in a flag match at 1:36 after intercepting Blassie’s cane as it was thrown in the ring and hitting Volkoff with it

Speaking of express line matches, this is another nothing match. Kirchner enters to much fanfare and it’s a sloppy brawl to start. Nikolai busts open Kirchner on the floor, but seconds later Corp catches Blassie’s cane and wallops Volkoff for the win. Man, the pacing of this event just sucks. You suffer through 20+ minutes of all that boxing bullshit and the majority of the actual matches are super quick.

7) Andre the Giant won a 20-man WWF/NFL battle royal by last eliminating Bret Hart at 9:03

I’ve forever loved this battle royal, one of my all-time favorites! Now THIS was a great way to mix in celebrities on the show, and it was cool to see all these NFL players mixed in with the wrestlers. It’s also super interesting to see three former WWF heavyweight champions in this – Bruno, Pedro, and the Sheik – two of which were the biggest stars of the 70s, competing in their only Wrestlemania match. What a unique collection of wrestlers in this battle royal. The eliminations are all well paced and fun. All show long they were teasing Big John Studd’s feud with the Fridge and the other NFL guys and that’s certainly a focal point of this battle royal. It’s kind of surprising that Studd and the Fridge go out mid-match as they would have made so much sense to be there in the end. Surprisingly, of all the players, Russ Francis lasts to the final four, and the rumor is he was uncooperative about being eliminated, leading to the Harts forcibly throwing him out of the ring. It’s certainly awesome to see future star Bret in there last with Andre. I’ve always loved the finish of the match and Andre’s victory brings a massive roar from the fans.

8) Davey Boy Smith & the Dynamite Kid (w/ Capt. Lou Albano & Ozzy Osbourne) defeated WWF Tag Team Champions Greg Valentine & Brutus Beefcake (w/ Johnny V) to win the titles at 12:03 when Smith pinned Valentine after sending him into Dynamite in the corner, with the two men butting heads and Dynamite falling to the floor and busting his head open

I’ve watched this match a ton of times and it’s always great! It’s a surprise workrate gem and an excellent tag team title match. It’s cool how this goes on last during the Chicago portion, considering the battle royal was hyped up as the ‘main event’ for Rosemont. Valentine works the majority of the match for the Dream Team and is just awesome in there with the Bulldogs. Beefcake’s involvement is kept to a minimum, something I never noticed much as a kid. Valentine is such a phenomenal worker and they were smartly able to work around Beefcake’s limitations, best utilizing him to cheat and get heat for the team. This is peak Bulldogs and man were they hard hitting and impactful at this time. The finish of this match is always a great surprise, as it comes pretty much out of nowhere, and Dynamite takes that sick looking back bump straight to the floor. No wonder he ended up confined to a wheelchair later in life. The crowd goes apeshit for the Bulldogs victory and I loved seeing Ozzy in his pink suit celebrating in the ring with them. 

Los Angeles, CA – Sports Arena

Over to Los Angeles for the final portion of the show, featuring the truly bizarre commentary trio of Jesse Ventura, Lord Alfred Hayes, and of course the vivacious Elvira. The idea of Jesse doing regular play by play is just so weird, and his shitty microphone makes it sound like he’s in the cockpit of the helicopter. And there’s no mats around ringside in LA, as the aesthetic and production of this show is so all over the place. It’s by far the messiest looking classic WWF pay-per-view. All these production quirks do add a certain timeless charm to this show I have to say.

9) Ricky Steamboat pinned Hercules with a crossbody off the top at 7:34 after lifting his knees to block Hercules’ splash from the middle turnbuckle

A good match to kick off the LA card. I find it so strange that Steamboat-Bret Hart was originally pencilled in for Mania 2. Why would they match a tag team guy against a rising singles star in a mid-card match with no storyline reason? Maybe for a SNME, but I can’t see that being the case for Mania, especially since the Harts had been pushed so hard as a tag team in 85. Steamboat-Hercules is no Steamboat-Hart match workrate wise, but it’s still a fun and well-wrestled battle, with Hercules getting to show off his strength based offense. Elvira is awesome on commentary, talking mostly about the men in the ring and their tights. And Jesse has to play it straight, keeping Elvira on point and calling the action. Steamboat scores the clean pin, as there was a big feud ahead with Jake the Snake.

10) Adrian Adonis (w/ Jimmy Hart) pinned Uncle Elmer with a headbutt off the top after avoiding Elmer’s legdrop at 3:04

Elvira has a lot to say about Adorable Adrian, which is far more entertaining than this ugly clusterfuck of a match. Elmer would pretty much be gone right after this, as he was disgusting and useless. He was a horrible person from all accounts and was just fucking awful in the ring. He really was undeserving of a singles match and should have just been in the battle royal. Adonis bumps like crazy for him, even ripping off the Wrestlemania 2 banner off the apron. A whole lot of wasted effort in this shitty match.

11) Terry & Hoss Funk (w/ Jimmy Hart) defeated Tito Santana & the Junkyard Dog at 11:43 when Terry pinned JYD after hitting him in the head with Hart’s megaphone behind the referee’s back

Here’s an underrated gem of a match on this show. The Funk-JYD feud was tremendous, and the addition of Dory… err… Hoss brought even more excitement to it. In a lot of fantasy re-booking of this show, people have Terry facing Hogan in the main event. They certainly had some tremendous matches in late 85 and 86, including a barnburner on SNME. I could easily see a Hogan-Funk steel cage match tearing down the house. But this Mania was all about spectacle over substance. King Kong Bundy was an attraction, while Funk was a wrestler. Regardless, he ends up in a great fucking match. This is just wild, with these guys going full speed wrestling and brawling. We even get a crazy brawl on the floor, with a slam on a ringside table. Terry was just fucking awesome! The fans are losing their minds for JYD and Tito really bringing up the atmosphere. Can’t say enough good things about this excellent match! Huge win for the Funks as they get the win thanks to Terry’s cheating. Awesome! And this would be pretty much it for Terry, as he’d be out of the WWF soon after.

I fast forwarded through the Hogan-Bundy match as I had watched it last year, and watched the closing comments from the show. This event is still a bottom tier Mania, but is still a fun watch if you’re in the mood for classic 80s wrestling. There are definitely some good matches on here and lots of wacky names who would only ever appear at this one Wrestlemania. And it is interesting to look at it from the perspective of being the predecessor to what Wrestlemania would eventually become in the 10s and 20s.

For completion sake, here’s my recent review of the Hogan-Bundy match:

12) WWF World Champion Hulk Hogan defeated King Kong Bundy (w/ Bobby Heenan) in a steel cage match at 10:18 by escaping over the top after kicking Bundy from the cage to the mat

Right away the weird production of Wrestlemania II hits you like a slap in the face. Hogan and Bundy are wrestling in a pitch black arena. You can’t even see the front row! It looks like it was just shot in a studio. The commentators are the oddball trio of Jesse Ventura (who sounds like he’s commentating from an old AM radio), Lord Alfred Hayes, and Elvira. Seriously, that’s your main event commentary team? This match was more action packed then I remembered, but man, what a piss poor choice for a Wrestlemania main event. Because they’re working with a short time frame, the action never slows and the cage comes into play early. Bundy is targeting Hogan’s banged up ribs, which Hogan barely sells. Elvira is so clueless on commentary, but at least adds something a little special to this goofball match. Bundy keeps going for the door, with Hogan desperately hanging on to win at times. Everything just goes into fast forward in the last few minutes, with Hogan no-selling two avalanches, then slamming Bundy like his ribs were never hurt and then climbs out while Bundy tries for the door. Ehhhh…. I guess this was alright as a fun Hogan formula match. But really, there were far better options for a Wrestlemania main event. I’m sure for the right payday, they could have had an epic Hogan-Piper blowoff in the cage, with Hogan going over.