Oh man… this tape was a chore to sit through. One of the most brutal Coliseum Videos I’ve watched in a long time. There were a couple good matches, but most of it was just awful. Much like WrestleFest 90, I remember this video collecting dust for years in video stores. I rented it maybe once, but otherwise never bothered with this boredom.
Sean Mooney is our host yet again, but this time the set is all decorated with military paraphernalia and Mooney is dressed up like some army general, complete with camo facepaint. He does a fucking awful military impression throughout this video, talking in this stupid voice that just irritated the piss out of me. It was a struggle not to hit fast forward every time he appeared on screen. And I normally like the guy! Gun fire and war noises are mixed in, making things even more irritating.
1) The Honkytonk Man & Greg Valentine (w/ Jimmy Hart) defeated the Bushwhackers via count-out at 13:01 when Luke chased Honky backstage with a steel chair after Honky threw Butch into the ringpost, leaving only Valentine in the ring (4/30/90; Madison Square Garden)
What an atrocious way to start a video! Who in the hell cared about the Rhythm & Blues-Bushwhackers feud? I sure didn’t. There’s not enough ways to describe how much this sucked. And it went on forever. “Shockingly” R&B win by countout. Really? They couldn’t just beat the Bushwhackers outright? Next!
2) Mr. Perfect pinned Tito Santana with an inside cradle to win the vacant WWF Intercontinental Title; after the match Perfect announced that Bobby Heenan was his new manager (4/23/90; Austin, TX)
The one shining light on this tape – the finals of the IC title tournament from the spring of 1990. This was a great match between Tito and Perfect. Not quite as good as their SNME epic, but still a great back and forth match. It went down to the wire and I love how Perfect won with a surprise inside cradle instead of the Perfectplex. Great wrestling and storytelling, with the fans going crazy for Tito. Excellent match and a nice payback for Perfect endlessly putting over Hogan and Beefcake all year.
Barf! Up next is a profile on the American Dream Dusty Rhodes. Throughout the tape they showed a bunch of those 89 debut vignettes of Rhodes, who was working in a meat shop, shovelling horse shit, and doing other all-American activities. How in the world did Rhodes agree to do this after being a former NWA world champ and booker?!
3) Dusty Rhodes (w/ Sapphire) defeated Akeem (w/ Slick) via count-out after Slick accidentally hit Akeem on the floor (2/18/90; Madison Square Garden)
Seriously, what’s up with these match selections? This was pretty much worse than R&B-Bushwhackers. Akeem was a great monster at the beginning of 89, but was just a useless pile of shit by this point. And why is Akeem on every one of these Coliseum Videos?! Garbage match that sees Rhodes win by countout – big surprise.
4) Dusty Rhodes defeated the Big Bossman (w/ Slick) via disqualification when Slick prevented Rhodes from making the pin following the Bionic Elbow (8/89; Fresno, CA)
Well this is a weird choice, seeing as how this match was nearly a year old and the Bossman was a big time fan favorite by this point. This feud never made any sense to me, and was just a pointless cartoon. It’s one of the better matches on this tape though, which isn’t saying anything. Rhodes wins by DQ when predictably Slick interferes. After a post match beat down, Rhodes gets the better of Slick and handcuffs him to himself, and roughs him up. That wasn’t very nice!
5) Dusty Rhodes (w/ Sapphire) defeated Macho King Randy Savage (w/ Sensational Sherri) via count-out after backdropping Savage to the floor (2/13/90; Phoenix, AZ)
The only good thing about this endless Rhodes profile was getting to hear his American Dream music so many times. Still a great entrance theme. This was the same match I’ve seen a hundred times. All the usual spots and Sapphire-Sherri shenanigans. What do you know, Rhodes wins by countout. After the match Rhodes calls Sherri a streetwalker from the streets and tells her to get her big ASSSSS back into the ring! Woah! A swear on a 1990 Coliseum Video!
6) The Genius pinned Jim Neidhart after Mr. Perfect interfered and hit Neidhart with the Genius’ scroll (1/15/90; Madison Square Garden)
What… the… fuck! This was the fan favorite match of the month. What kind of a sick individual would actually pick The Anvil vs The Genius? This match proves that this fan favorite gimmick was totally made up, as nobody in their right mind would want to see this garbage. It’s an MSG match, so we get endless stalling from the Genius, who prances about the ring and does all his extremely overt mannerisms. Hillbilly Jim calls him a limp wrist and other derogatory remarks and Gorilla chuckles along. Wowww. I was oblivious to all of this as a kid. This match goes on forever until finally Perfect races down to waffle the Anvil sneakily, leading to the Genius pinning him! Holy shit! Who would have expected that?!
7) Jake Roberts pinned Ted Dibiase with the DDT in a No DQ match; Virgil was barred from ringside for the match but later prevented Roberts from stealing the Million $ belt (12/28/89; Madison Square Garden)
There’s more MSG matches on these tapes than I remembered. We go months back to the end of 89 as Jake and Dibiase square off in a no DQ match. That brings the crowd to its feet! Unfortunately that stipulation is meaningless, as we get a slow paced mat battle that’s pretty much all chinlocks. Dibiase wears Jake down forever, thwarting the DDT a couple times and keeping him grounded on the mat. What’s the point of the no DQ stipulation? Eventually Jake makes a quick comeback and plants Dibiase with a DDT and the place comes unglued as Jake covers him for three. Despite being slow, I kind of liked this match, and love how Jake truly hit the DDT out of nowhere in believable fashion. Still, this match could have been a little more energetic.
8) WWF World Champion the Ultimate Warrior pinned WWF IC Champion Mr. Perfect with a shoulder block and splash (5/15/90; LaCrosse, WI)
What a unique match to end the tape – a rare champion vs champion match only weeks after Perfect won the IC title. Only the World title is on the line though. Perfect, wearing those same damn orange tights, controls most of the match, but the Warrior just no sells and refuses to stay down. Perfect throws everything he has at the Warrior, including one of the sloppiest and worst looking top rope dropkicks you’ll ever see, but can’t keep the Warrior down. Eventually Warrior steamrolls him and puts him away with the shoulder block and splash. I’m truly scratching my head. Goofs like Akeem and the Bushwhackers don’t lose by pinfall, yet the brand new IC champ gets totally crushed by the Warrior. Makes no sense.
Avoid this tape at all costs! It’s an absolute slog to get through. I’m hoping these Coliseum Videos get better as we get deeper into 90 and into 91.
the RepoDan Wrestling Institution 