WWE Extreme Rules 2009

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(Guest written by Matt)

WWE Extreme Rules 2009
June 7, 2009
New Orleans Arena
New Orleans, Louisiana

This payperview was shown on the Network, which is why I checked it out, even though I’m also half way through watching Summerslam 2010. Its too bad the payperview archive has to be watched on a computer or device, because I much prefer watching on the TV in my big recliner, like some kind of old dinosaur from a bygone era.

Anyway, this event was mediocre. I can’t really call it disappointing since I didn’t expect it to be great. It had a few very good matches and a number of terrible ones to even it out. The John Cena-Big Show submission match in particular just goes on forever and pulls down the event quite a bit. I would still say it didn’t suck as much as Wrestlemania 25 did two months earlier, but was weak compared to Summerslam. My other main criticism is that the event really isn’t very “extreme”. Only maybe two or three matches followed that theme, and otherwise it was just a regular event. Though I believe that has been the case with every Extreme Rules payperview thus far.

1. Four Way Dance for U.S. Title: Kofi Kingston defeated William Regal, Matt Hardy, and MVP.

This match followed Kofi winning the title from MVP on Raw, which I liked at the time since I was a big supporter of Kofi in 2009. I don’t remember why this ended up being a four way, or especially why Regal was thrown in this match. Right from the start, the match really isn’t “extreme”. Its just a regular four way match that follows the usual format with two guys battling it out, while the other two lie outside the ring for a few minutes. It was okay, but nothing special. And I was glad to see Kofi pick up the win, since he was still awesome at this point.

2. I.C. No Holds Barred: Chris Jericho defeated Rey Misterio.

I must say I’m really starting to find Misterio annoying as he is on every one of these late 2000s payperviews, his matches all utilize the same spots, and are always for a secondary title. I liked this storyline as Jericho kept insulting the luchadore heritage of Misterio and vowing to remove his mask. The match included some brawling around the ring and they fought it out with chairs at one point, so I guess it was sort of “extreme”. It was one of the better matches on the card anyway, and Jericho eventually made good on his promise by removing Misterio’s mask and then pinning him quickly, so you didn’t really get to see his little kid face.

3. Samoan Strap Match: CM Punk defeated Umaga.

Even though this match was kind of short, I really enjoyed it. Umaga just beats the shit out of Punk through most of it, and looks like a monster. Punk eventually manages to connect with the GTS and then hits the turnbuckles in succession to win the match. This match also had a weird computer graphic showing who was currently touching the turnbuckles and lighting them up on a map of the ring, which was kind of cool.

4. Triple Threat for the ECW Title: Tommy Dreamer defeated Christian and Jack Swagger.

I remember the Raw the night after this event when they made a huge deal out of Tommy Dreamer winning the ECW title, for the supposed first time in his career (even though he technically won it for one day in ECW). I don’t really feel like having that old timer win was the best thing for the title, but I understand why they did it. Its not like Swagger would have been any better. The match was okay, but again nothing special, and it seems like all these matches were deliberately a few minutes too short to make room for the seemingly endless Cena-Show match later.

5. Hog Pen Match for Miss Wrestlemania Title: Santina Marella defeated Vickie Guerrero (Or Chavo or whatever).

This was garbage. Santina came out with Billy and Chuck’s music and in a dress. This match wasn’t for the diva’s title, it was for the Miss Wrestlemania “honors” won by Marella in that terrible battle royal at Wrestlemania (if only they could have just cut that out of their history). Vickie initially has Chavo wrestle on her behalf but he gets splashed with mud and chickens out, making Vickie “wrestle” after all. Marella then just dumps her in the hog pen for the quick and retarded end.

This all turned out just to be a set up for the beginning of Vickie and Edge’s divorce (in a segment immediately following this) which for some reason, bugged me at the time. I was sure retarded in 2009.

6. Cage Match for the WWE Title: Batista defeated Randy Orton.

It looks like the titles were being hot shotted every other month (or more) in 2009. Cena won this belt at Wrestlemania, but Orton won the belt sometime after that, then he lost the belt here to Batista, then somehow he regained the belt before Summerslam. Whatever. Surprisingly, this match is only seven minutes long. I expected a fast paced battle going twenty minutes with Orton eventually picking up a surprise win by cheating. Instead, its mostly just Orton trying to escape the cage like a coward and Batista countering him. Then out of nowhere Batista pulls him down off the cage and Batista Bombs him for the pin. What the F? I can’t believe even Batista and Orton had their match shortened for Cena and Big Show.

7. Submission Match: John Cena defeated Big Show.

This match goes over twenty minutes and is incredibly boring. Its mainly bearhugs and sleeper holds and just feels like any other mid-card Cena match, only without a quick pinfall. I guess if you were a huge Cena fan (I’m not and I wasn’t in 2009 either) you might appreciate his huge comeback and eventual victory with an STFU while Show is tied up in the ropes, but honestly that was the only one minute of this match that was worth watching. This match definitely ruins the payperview.

8. Ladder Match for the World Heavyweight Title: Jeff Hardy defeated Edge.

This match was really quite good, similar to the main event between Punk and Hardy at Summerslam. If any match on the show was extreme, this was it. Lots of fast paced action, battling it out with ladders, multiple attempts to climb the ladder and snatch the belt etc. One major plot point was that because Vickie was now divorcing Edge (based on earlier tonight), Edge would be getting no help against Hardy. As a result, Hardy eventually outsmarts Edge, drops him between the rungs of the ladder and grabs the belt for the victory.

After Hardy’s win, CM Punk comes out and cashes in Money In The Bank. You get a little five minute mini-match at the end as the hurt Hardy battles back against him, but eventually Punk puts him away with two consecutive GTS moves and leaves the event as champ. (Yet he won the belt from Hardy at Summerslam two months later, so this title was apparently being hot shotted as well.